Modest ISN'T Hottest...But Hear Me Out
I have a confession to make.
Sometimes choosing to dress modestly makes me feel insecure.
Confused? Let me explain.
To start, I love the idea of modesty. I have no desire to wear skin-tight shirts that are cut really low or shorts that barely cover anything. I'm not into crop tops and I won't wear dresses that can easily be confused with an overlong shirt. I don't cake my face in makeup or post seductive selfies on social media to get attention for my looks. I don't want to be lost in the sea of women who flaunt their bodies and paint their faces.
But even though I'm happy with my choices on most days, there are days that I'm just...not. You see, I can be content with how I look and how I dress. I can know in my heart that I don't want a man to want me for shape of my body, but that doesn't change the fact that there are plenty of other women out there who dress provocatively. And if I'm honest, there's days where I feel completely insecure about my decision to not show myself off.
Sometimes I feel this flutter of insecurity that tells me I have to compete with their display if I want to keep a man's attention. There have been times where I'm standing in my room getting ready to go out and I'm torn over how I'm going to dress that day. I'll stand there caught in the thought of "if I can't prove that I can look sexy too, then I'm going to lose out." And no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get past the truth that even though men say that they prefer a modest, naturally beautiful woman, they're still drawn to the woman who shows it all off.
Sometimes, it's really hard to stick to your values.
This struggle is nothing new, and I know that I'm not the only one who has ever thought these thoughts. Every woman that I know who wants to stand for purity has told me that they have had to fight pride and insecurity in this area at some point. And how do we try to fight that insecurity and affirm our decision and stand together in the struggle? We just remind each other that "modest is hottest."
But you know what? It isn't.
Modest isn't hot.
Not at all.
In fact, it's the complete opposite.
Modesty is the choice to be completely detached from trying to be hot or sexy or admired for your body alone. So why do we try to reassure ourselves that we're "a modest version" of hot? To me, choosing to be modest means that I probably won't be the sexiest woman in the room. So I don't know about you, but that expression does nothing to make me feel better because it still makes the point that being some kind of hot is what we should aim for. It makes no sense to reassure ourselves that we're hot as we're pursuing modesty.
So I have a proposal. Instead of allowing ourselves to fight for a high place on the attraction spectrum, let's just step off. There are so many better things to be consumed with instead of what we look like or how we'll hold up when compared with the woman next to us. I would like to be so strong in my security that even if I lost the attention of a man to another woman, I wouldn't even think of trying to prove anything in return. I would love to know that I didn't catch the gaze of someone else's boyfriend or husband because my shirt was cut too low. I would love to show my students that there's better things to worry about than their looks. I would love to show my future daughters that their worth isn't in their bodies. I would love to teach my sons to look at a woman's heart and not just her figure.
I'm not interested in encouraging a friend that she looks good while not taking the time to encourage her more important qualities. I'm not interested in teaching young girls that they have to be concerned with whether or not they're still considered hot in their attempt to have respect for their bodies. I would rather show them that they don't have to worry about competing or keeping a man's attention. I would rather humble myself to the place that I can be an example to them of how to live in complete and total confidence based off of who they are - a confidence that is not even tainted by how others perceive their appearance.
I'm not saying that it's going to be easy. Choosing to be modest is a step into humility, and this kind of humility doesn't always come easy. Putting this in words doesn't remove my insecurity or change the reality that I live in. But it's a start. It's a reminder that I can choose to step out of my pride and stop obsessing over how others perceive me. It's a reminder that I can choose to prioritize the message I want to send over the attention that I want to receive...and so can you.
Sometimes choosing to dress modestly makes me feel insecure.
Confused? Let me explain.
To start, I love the idea of modesty. I have no desire to wear skin-tight shirts that are cut really low or shorts that barely cover anything. I'm not into crop tops and I won't wear dresses that can easily be confused with an overlong shirt. I don't cake my face in makeup or post seductive selfies on social media to get attention for my looks. I don't want to be lost in the sea of women who flaunt their bodies and paint their faces.
But even though I'm happy with my choices on most days, there are days that I'm just...not. You see, I can be content with how I look and how I dress. I can know in my heart that I don't want a man to want me for shape of my body, but that doesn't change the fact that there are plenty of other women out there who dress provocatively. And if I'm honest, there's days where I feel completely insecure about my decision to not show myself off.
Sometimes I feel this flutter of insecurity that tells me I have to compete with their display if I want to keep a man's attention. There have been times where I'm standing in my room getting ready to go out and I'm torn over how I'm going to dress that day. I'll stand there caught in the thought of "if I can't prove that I can look sexy too, then I'm going to lose out." And no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get past the truth that even though men say that they prefer a modest, naturally beautiful woman, they're still drawn to the woman who shows it all off.
Sometimes, it's really hard to stick to your values.
This struggle is nothing new, and I know that I'm not the only one who has ever thought these thoughts. Every woman that I know who wants to stand for purity has told me that they have had to fight pride and insecurity in this area at some point. And how do we try to fight that insecurity and affirm our decision and stand together in the struggle? We just remind each other that "modest is hottest."
But you know what? It isn't.
Modest isn't hot.
Not at all.
In fact, it's the complete opposite.
Modesty is the choice to be completely detached from trying to be hot or sexy or admired for your body alone. So why do we try to reassure ourselves that we're "a modest version" of hot? To me, choosing to be modest means that I probably won't be the sexiest woman in the room. So I don't know about you, but that expression does nothing to make me feel better because it still makes the point that being some kind of hot is what we should aim for. It makes no sense to reassure ourselves that we're hot as we're pursuing modesty.
So I have a proposal. Instead of allowing ourselves to fight for a high place on the attraction spectrum, let's just step off. There are so many better things to be consumed with instead of what we look like or how we'll hold up when compared with the woman next to us. I would like to be so strong in my security that even if I lost the attention of a man to another woman, I wouldn't even think of trying to prove anything in return. I would love to know that I didn't catch the gaze of someone else's boyfriend or husband because my shirt was cut too low. I would love to show my students that there's better things to worry about than their looks. I would love to show my future daughters that their worth isn't in their bodies. I would love to teach my sons to look at a woman's heart and not just her figure.
I'm not interested in encouraging a friend that she looks good while not taking the time to encourage her more important qualities. I'm not interested in teaching young girls that they have to be concerned with whether or not they're still considered hot in their attempt to have respect for their bodies. I would rather show them that they don't have to worry about competing or keeping a man's attention. I would rather humble myself to the place that I can be an example to them of how to live in complete and total confidence based off of who they are - a confidence that is not even tainted by how others perceive their appearance.
I'm not saying that it's going to be easy. Choosing to be modest is a step into humility, and this kind of humility doesn't always come easy. Putting this in words doesn't remove my insecurity or change the reality that I live in. But it's a start. It's a reminder that I can choose to step out of my pride and stop obsessing over how others perceive me. It's a reminder that I can choose to prioritize the message I want to send over the attention that I want to receive...and so can you.
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