Betrothed: Awaiting Fullness

About two weeks before my wedding, I was sitting on my bedroom floor, idly turning over thoughts in my head - mainly questions and wonders and struggles that I've had about God. One of the things that I come back to time and time again, sometimes in frustration, is this: if God is so big, so grand, so capable of being my everything, why don't I see him or experience him as much as I expect I should?

As the thought bubbled up again as I sat on my floor, I heard God suddenly place the word "betrothed" on my heart.

Betrothed. Engaged. Something I could fully relate to at the moment, as I waited through the last few days of my engagement, wanting to finally enter my marriage. The Bible shows us over and over again how Jesus is our groom - our betrothed. How he came for us, died for us in order to propose everlasting relationship with us, and then went away to Heaven, promising that He will one day return for us.

And if I go and prepare a place for you, 

I will come back and take you to be with me 

that you also may be where I am.

John 14:3

During an engagement, you don't yet see or experience the fullness of marriage. The promise is made, but not yet experienced. You prepare and you dream, but you mostly wait. You see in part, not in full. At this point in time, we are engaged to Christ, but have not yet experienced the fullness of marriage with him. We see in part. We experience him in part. We relate to him in part. 

I've come to see that its the "in part" that causes my question of "why can't I see so much more of God if God is truly so much more than I can see?" 

The question is never "is God who he says he is?" Rather, its simply "why can't I yet experience all of who he says he is?"

But God did not intend for our engagement, our betrothal, to be a thing that causes doubt. Rather, he intended it to be a thing that births hope, and faith, and preparation. When I was engaged, I didn't doubt that my marriage would happen. I didn't look a my fiancé and say "I'm afraid that you aren't going to be all that I expected you to be." Rather, I counted down the days, wishing that they would go so much faster so that I could finally be married to the one I love. I knew that the fullness of the relationship was promised to me, and I was positive that it was going to happen, and that I would get to experience the fullness of marriage. I knew that the intimacy I was hoping for, that I couldn't experience during engagement, was going to happen. I knew that the sense of "oneness" that doesn't yet bloom in engagement was going to happen. I knew that my home would be with my husband, even though we didn't yet have a home together during our engagement. I knew that the relationship I had with my fiancé would deepen and become so much more once we were fully and finally joined together in marriage. 

Our betrothal to God is meant to be the same. We shouldn't doubt that God is as big and wonderful and fulfilling as he says that he is. We shouldn't doubt that there's a home waiting for us one day. We shouldn't doubt that we will experience complete and fulfilling intimacy with God. Instead, we have to recognize that right now, we are simply just engaged. Our groom has promised to return for us, and to bring us into complete and perfect union with him. And because we love him and know him, we trust in him to fulfill that promise to us. 

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; 

then we shall see face to face. 

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, 

even as I am fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:12

The marriage is what we are waiting for, but that doesn't mean that no relationship exists during the engagement. The Bible shows us that during this time, we still have a beautiful relationship with God. The Holy Spirit lives inside of us, and its our responsibility to cultivate that relationship during our earthly life. God still speaks to us, is still with us, still leads us, still guides us, and is still our all in all. Instead of doubting that truth, or neglecting the relationship completely, instead push into God. Be encouraged that as good as God is now, as beautiful and wonderful and glorious as we understand and know our Savior to be now, there is still so much more coming.