Abide in Him

"Abide in Me, and I in you.

 As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine,

 so neither can you unless you abide in Me." (John 15:4) 

Failure makes me want to run. It makes me want to hide away and put myself down. When I feel that I let God down or didn't live up to the standard that I should have been able to, my anxious mental prattle immediately kicks in; I start to panic, I turn into a tight little bundle of worry, and convince myself that everything is wrong with me and I'm completely failing at being a Christian. 

In those moments, in that desperation to "make myself better" and to "get things right," I completely pull away from God. Since I'm telling myself that I'm not good enough or that I have to change something until God's happy with me again, I don't let myself be with Him. I feel unworthy, I feel scared. 

"I have been crucified with Christ; 

and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me;

 and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, 

who loved me and gave Himself up for me."

(Galatians 2:20) 

It is in moments where we sense our own shortcomings that we need to choose to come into the rest of God. It's easy for us to abide in Christ, or stay in close relationship with Him, when we feel like we're doing a good job. However, in moments where we feel like we've come up short, the tendency to take things into our own hands can rise up. We become dependent on ourselves. We feel like we have to do better before we can go back into His presence. We can feel ashamed and guilty and unworthy.

Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, 

are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?

(Galatians 3:3) 

But God wants us to trust in Him and His ability, not our own. He wants us to trust Him enough to rest in Him. When we don't trust that He loves us, truly loves us, we won't be able to be vulnerable with Him. We won't have the confidence that we need to truly know that He has made us clean and whole and accepted by Him. When we pull away in our failures, we're failing to abide in Him - failing to stay in the one place that can actually produce healthy spiritual transformation in our lives.

Funnily enough, the true test of our faith comes in those very moments when we need to choose to stay or run away. Do we believe that God finishes His work in us? Do we believe that Christ lives in us and fills us with His power? Do we believe that He who gave Himself up for us will continue to love us and be faithful to us - no matter what? 

We can do nothing without the presence and the help of God. Don't believe the lies telling you that you have to do it on your own. It's only by coming to Him and asking for His help that we'll produce fruit and grow out of our shortcomings.  If we don't abide in Him and try to do it on our own, we'll produce nothing.

Now, little children, abide in Him, 

so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him 

in shame at His coming. (1 John 2:28)  

True confidence in Christ doesn't come from returning to Him after a week of beating yourself up and feeling like you've changed enough that just maybe He'll accept you. It comes when we choose to stay in God in the midst of our failure. Then and only then will we see that He loves us and welcomes us all the same.