Beauty in the Details
Lately, I’ve been sorting through a lot of
things in my life, one of those things being insecurity. I had never
thought of myself as an insecure person before, but I found that a lot
of things I’ve been experiencing come from that root. A large part of
this feeling comes from me comparing myself to every other woman that I walk by during my day.
I compare my makeup to her makeup. My hairstyle to her hairstyle. The color of my eyes, hair, and nail polish to hers. My clothing feels frumpy after I look at her outfit. If she’s outgoing, I feel too quiet. If she’s quiet, I feel boisterous. When she’s taller than me, I feel like a child instead of a woman. Next to her, a shadow that passes by me during my day, I feel ugly instead of beautiful.
Here’s the thing though. None of the things that I see in her when I pass by are things that I personally feel are beautiful. I don’t see makeup, or hairstyles, or fine clothes as something that I desire. Generally, I find women who fit into the plastic, generic, made-up, decked out, loud, category as less interesting and less appealing. There is no personality, no unique attributes in the girl who creates herself to visually please the public.
The way I think of myself and see myself changes as I go through my day. When I’m around other people, I feel like I’m awkward because I don’t make small talk well at all, but I have no problem having five hour conversations about something meaningful. I feel like I look immature because I’m short, and looked down upon when people think I’m so much younger than I am. I feel like I have ugly, imbalanced facial features because my nose is big and I have a thin, small mouth. I feel unkempt because I prefer a simple outfit to a structured ensemble with elaborate statement jewelry. But when I’m alone, this all changes. Why am I unhappy because I can’t create meaningless chatter? Instead, I revel in the light I see coming from people’s eyes when they’re engulfed in intense conversation with me. Why should I worry about people looking down on me because of my stature? I love the delicacy and compactness. When I look at my face, I love how my cheekbones slope to point to my mouth, and how the shape of my face tilts down to the tip. I see balance and grace in my features, even more so because of their asymmetry. I love the way my eyes narrow underneath when I listen to people talk and I’m trying not to smile, and I love my smirk. I love me, and I see beauty in me the way a writer sees beauty in people.
Watch people sometimes. Write their description with the eyes of a writer. Beneath the long gel nails, the eyeliner, the flat-ironed hair, the flashy jewelry and the fitted top is a person who’s beauty can only be seen when you really look. Beauty is in the details. Beauty is in the things that are seen with a lover’s eyes, eyes that look to know and not only look to see. Women always defend themselves with “but men are visual creatures.” Yes, yes they are. I’m not saying to be dirty or messy or unkempt. But I’m saying that if I can look at people and see their details and beauty in the curve of a hand instead of the curve of a hip, so can a man. Give men something truly beautiful to see, not only something with surface value. The right man will be visual enough and look at you hard enough to really see you, not just quickly appraise what your hair and outfit look like.
So don’t compare. Don’t pave over your beautiful details. When a stranger walks by, look for something in them that maybe they don’t see yet. Enjoy yourself, and seek to see others as you want to be seen. Beauty is not cheap, and beauty is not in the things that we see when we pass by. It’s in the details.
I compare my makeup to her makeup. My hairstyle to her hairstyle. The color of my eyes, hair, and nail polish to hers. My clothing feels frumpy after I look at her outfit. If she’s outgoing, I feel too quiet. If she’s quiet, I feel boisterous. When she’s taller than me, I feel like a child instead of a woman. Next to her, a shadow that passes by me during my day, I feel ugly instead of beautiful.
Here’s the thing though. None of the things that I see in her when I pass by are things that I personally feel are beautiful. I don’t see makeup, or hairstyles, or fine clothes as something that I desire. Generally, I find women who fit into the plastic, generic, made-up, decked out, loud, category as less interesting and less appealing. There is no personality, no unique attributes in the girl who creates herself to visually please the public.
The way I think of myself and see myself changes as I go through my day. When I’m around other people, I feel like I’m awkward because I don’t make small talk well at all, but I have no problem having five hour conversations about something meaningful. I feel like I look immature because I’m short, and looked down upon when people think I’m so much younger than I am. I feel like I have ugly, imbalanced facial features because my nose is big and I have a thin, small mouth. I feel unkempt because I prefer a simple outfit to a structured ensemble with elaborate statement jewelry. But when I’m alone, this all changes. Why am I unhappy because I can’t create meaningless chatter? Instead, I revel in the light I see coming from people’s eyes when they’re engulfed in intense conversation with me. Why should I worry about people looking down on me because of my stature? I love the delicacy and compactness. When I look at my face, I love how my cheekbones slope to point to my mouth, and how the shape of my face tilts down to the tip. I see balance and grace in my features, even more so because of their asymmetry. I love the way my eyes narrow underneath when I listen to people talk and I’m trying not to smile, and I love my smirk. I love me, and I see beauty in me the way a writer sees beauty in people.
Watch people sometimes. Write their description with the eyes of a writer. Beneath the long gel nails, the eyeliner, the flat-ironed hair, the flashy jewelry and the fitted top is a person who’s beauty can only be seen when you really look. Beauty is in the details. Beauty is in the things that are seen with a lover’s eyes, eyes that look to know and not only look to see. Women always defend themselves with “but men are visual creatures.” Yes, yes they are. I’m not saying to be dirty or messy or unkempt. But I’m saying that if I can look at people and see their details and beauty in the curve of a hand instead of the curve of a hip, so can a man. Give men something truly beautiful to see, not only something with surface value. The right man will be visual enough and look at you hard enough to really see you, not just quickly appraise what your hair and outfit look like.
So don’t compare. Don’t pave over your beautiful details. When a stranger walks by, look for something in them that maybe they don’t see yet. Enjoy yourself, and seek to see others as you want to be seen. Beauty is not cheap, and beauty is not in the things that we see when we pass by. It’s in the details.
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